Resilience and Aging

First Unitarian Society's (FUS) theme for February is resilience which is one prompt for these reflections. Another prompt is walking through snow covered Prospect Gardens and noticing subtle examples of resilience, which I will comment on later in this entry.

You may be asking what does the crystal ball and the next picture have to do with resilience? Well actually not much if you totally accept the Webster's dictionary definition of resilience as "an ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity or change."  This crystal ball, a holiday gift from Laura, a long time Prospect Gardens volunteer, positively affects my mornings as I patiently wait for winter to morph into spring.   

The morning sun streams through the large southern window of my office, catching the crystal. The orb does its magic: little circles of refracted colors are projected on the ceiling and walls. I feel joy watching this impermanent phenomena.  

I invite you to reflect on the following poem from the FUS monthly newsletter that introduced the theme of resilience. 

won’t you celebrate with me 

By Lucille Clifton (1993)

won't you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model.

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

 

I will share with you the result of reflecting on Clifton's poem and on a Sunday message about resilience by Rev. Kelly Crocker, one of our two FUS co-senior ministers. From Googling the term, I learned that resilience is very popular, but quantitative researchers are concerned that the concept lacks rigor, which makes measurement difficult. As a qualitative trained evaluator, I am less concerned about this lack of rigor. 

With that said, there is general consensus in research and popular literature, as Rev. Kelly mentioned in her February 19th message, that one of the important factors enabling resilience is meaningful social connections. Mayo Clinic on its website lists six tips to increase your resilience. Top of the list is  Get connected: build  strong, positive relationships with loved ones and friends so you have support, guidance and acceptance in good and bad times. Mayo also encourages developing other important connections by volunteering or joining a faith or spiritual community.

Throughout much of my life I have been fortunate to have strong supportive connections; friends, family members, neighbors, and colleagues. Although, I didn't have any close childhood friends. I was a timid kid plus chores on our family farm started at an early age and took up much of my time. Fun time was with my brothers and sisters, close to my age in a family of 14. My older sister Angie was a close playmate, along with three brothers. 

For six years, I attended Polandi, a one room rural school, a few miles across the fields from our family farm. Although Nora, Carolyn, and Marilyn were my grade level classmates during all those six years, I was not close to them. Polandi closed after I completed sixth grade.

8th Grade: Me Far Right (white shirt)

Connections with friends began to change as a seventh grader in the K-8 up-to-date Pulaski Elementary School. I can't quite explain the change except an increase in self-esteem because of Mrs. Parker, my seventh grade teacher, and Mr. Ripley, my eighth grade teacher.  With their support, I excelled academically which boosted self-esteem. Plus Mr. Ripley was my first male role model outside my family. 

By the time I graduated from high school I had many friends, an honors student, and in many non-athletic activities. I was on the Junior prom court (the only non-jock), Student Council President, in a school play as a priest, and sold ads for the Pulaski Newspaper. The Pulaski News was and continues to be a community paper staffed by high school journalism students, like me.  

Friends were important during the late 1960s as I completed undergraduate and graduate degrees at UW-Madison. Friends and colleagues supported me throughout my 40+ year educational career and during major transitions. I lived in Oregon, Indiana, and Massachusetts before returning to Madison in 1986 with Ann, my wife, and our then 21 month year old daughter, Emily. She was born on November 13, 1984 in Lawrence, Massachusetts, the town adjacent to Andover where we lived.

   

One of my favorite memories from the middle 1970s is my friendship with Sterling and specifically when I met him while completing special education certification at Oregon College of Education, Monmouth. On a cold Oregon rainy day after the first class I waited in front of a plate glass door staring at the heavy rain. I heard from behind me, "You just must open the door and step into it."  He was a great support during those Monmouth days and our friendship continues.

Ann joined my journey in 1975. My friend Kay arranged a blind date in December 1975 when I returned to WI from Oregon for a visit with Kay and her husband, Don. On May 25th, we will celebrate our 44th anniversary. Ann is a loving partner and major supporter, starting when she moved to Oregon in the summer of 1976 and continuing after we married in 1979. She was at my side when we left my beloved Oregon in 1980 and moved to Indiana to attend Indiana University, Bloomington where I earned an Ed.D in 1983. Bloomington's hot and muggy summers were just part of our adjustment. Next we went east to Andover, Massachusetts and then back to Madison.

Ann and I made it a point to celebrate important events during our journey. A few memorable celebrations are: Emily's birth, her Child Dedication at FUS, (attended by many family members and friends), a 2015 Blasczyk family reunion, wedding anniversaries of sisters and brothers, annual UW Homecomings at our home with my two brothers, their wives and four friends, and celebrating each of Emily's educational milestones. The Ann Arbor celebration of Emily's graduation from the University of Michigan with a Masters in Survey Methodology was especially joyful. My brother Tom, his wife, Todd, and brother, Lou joined us. 

Today friends (some since about 1970) continue to be important connections, along with family members. I am in regular contact in person and/or by phone with my five remaining siblings.  We occasionally visit my sister, Theresa, who is in a Milwaukee assisted living facility but wish it could be more often.

 I am now considered the family historian. I did extensive family research using Ancestry.com, other sources, plus family interviews that resulted in 10 CDs of family stories. These were shared with family members in 2015 and are now part of the Wisconsin Historical Society collection.  

Three small groups are within my current supportive network. My FUS Chalice group has been meeting, twice monthly during the church year, for almost 20 years. During the height of the 2020 pandemic, Chalice was a critical support as we met weekly on Zoom. We now meet in person, reading and discussing Karia Jewel Lingo's We Were Made for These Times. 

The other two monthly groups are affiliated with the Madison Insight Meditation group. Eight of us belong to a kalyāṇa-mitta, Sanskrit for “spiritual friends.” We are reading and discussing The Book of Joy, featuring discussions between the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. The "Going Forth" group of nine focuses on topics and issues related to aging, including death and dying.

Since Prospect Gardens began in 2010 I have enjoyed connections with numerous volunteers. Some have been only for a few days while others have extended over the years. Thank you all for contributing to my well being.  

These days I am aware that letting go increases resilience needed to navigate aging. Danna Faulds' poem makes the point about giving up control, the opposite of letting go. Tara Brach, international known meditation teacher, stresses "radical acceptance", another form of letting go.

Allow By Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.

My current situation with Prospect Gardens is one small (and less dramatic) example of allowing, accepting, and letting go as I age. I have been the only crew chief since the initial development of the Gardens in 2010, responsible for recruiting volunteers, working with them on site, and for making decisions affecting the Gardens. I want to step back as crew chief after this season. I am now searching for a replacement while considering an option for a small team that takes on the crew chief’s tasks rather than one individual. 

Letting go of Prospect Gardens is not easy for me. I just can't walk away and see what happens. I try not to think about this beautiful site with its many environmental benefits disappearing into invasive plants and weeds. Maddie Dumas, City Engineering's Greenway  Vegetation assures me that she will do her best to ensure that this will not happen if DMNA/Regent Association cannot maintain the Gardens. Maddie has been so helpful over the years, with advice and providing an Operation Fresh Start Team to help maintain the Gardens.

 Tibi, a potential future volunteer, reminded me that the Gardens after 13 years are resilient -- prairie plants will survive and the strategy may be to support them. I am comforted by Tibi's suggestion and Maddie's assurances.

Tibi's wise advise is underscored by subtle examples of resilience I recently noticed on a walk through the snow covered site.  Here are four pictures of what I discovered along with quotations about resilience.

Milkweed Pod - Seeds Dispersed

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” ― Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

 

Forsythia Bud

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

Budding Japanese Sumac 

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou

Budding Pussy Willow 

“When we learn how to become resilient, we learn how to embrace the beautifully broad spectrum of the human experience.” ― Jaeda Dewalt

Here I am in the present moment with the sun melting the snow and with, at least for today, a hint of spring in the air. The sun is higher in the sky so the crystal orb is no longer casting its spell. May you be well and enjoy the remainder of winter and the onset of spring.