Precious Life and Well-being

Monarch From
Neighbor's Garden 

As the dog days of summer continue I start these reflections with Mary Oliver' poem ,The Summer Day.  Her poem ends with a challenging question and Dr. Richie (Richard) Davidson's research on well-being suggests some answers. Dr. Davidson is a research professor of psychology and psychiatry and the Founder and Director of the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He and Center staff have extensively researched mindfulness and meditation with the result being tools that help people build skills of well-being. 

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean--

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down --

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life? 

Dr. Richie Davidson would encourage a plan for our precious lives that includes well-being. What follows are points that I have distilled from his research. 

·        Well-being is when our lives have "greater comfort, health and happiness" (quote from online article, includes audio ) 

·        Well-being is a composite of four skills (also referred to as “pillars” and/or “constituents”) that can be learned. The skills  are awareness, connection, insight, and purpose. We integrate the four into our lives through learning and practice, and without feeling that a problem must be fixed.

·        Well-being and its four skills are grounded in the examination of traditional contemplative literature and findings from modern biobehavioral science. Data from MRI brain scans of  experienced meditators are a primary source and was the basis for applying the construct of  neuroplasticity to contemplative practices. Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural pathways throughout life and in response to experiences. Dr. Davidson and his team found through meditation (and by inference practicing the four skills) we rewire and change our brain's neural networks in ways that ultimately benefit us emotionally. 

   

·        Awareness is paying attention to what’s happening in the present moment.  As Mary Oliver states in the poem "The Summer Day:"  I do know how to pay attention.  Davidson points out this is no easy task. He writes: "The level of distractibility in our culture today is skyrocketing, diagnoses of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are steeply rising, and the tech companies are masterminds at competing for our attention" (quote from another online article).

·        Connection is a composite of qualities that support self-care and caring for others. In the set are appreciation, gratitude, kindness, generosity, and compassion.

·        Insight is the capacity to curiously investigate and understand our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations and how these shape sense of self and perceptions of the world. Furthermore as a result of insight we better understand how an overemphasis on self (me or mine) is an obstacle to well-being.   

·        Purpose , the fourth skill, sets a sense of direction in life. We sense where our life is headed. We also are better at clarifying our values and able to ascribe meaning to our lives.

Well-being and it’s four related skills, as laid out by Dr. Davidson, may strike you as being rather complex and challenging. Dr. Davidson reminds us that we learn other complex skills through understanding and practice. I would add that Buddhist teaching about wise intention and wise effort are helpful. We start with setting an intention that can also be thought of as an aspiration. Our ambition is  to integrate well-being into our lives without setting a goal that must be met at all costs. Determination is required but efforts are gentle, free off striving, and marked with patience. Furthermore, wise effort involves recognizing that mind and heart states are not constant or forever; they arise and pass away. Yet moment by moment we continue to move forward, in this case, towards well-being.

Prospect Gardens has been an important part of my life for 15  years. I'm now evaluating how the Gardens fit into the larger purpose of my life. Tending the Gardens have contributed so much to my sense of well-being while providing opportunities to practice the related four skills. Now the Gardens are teaching me to let go and how to develop a revised plan for this precious life. The plan is still emerging.

  

Meanwhile, I celebrate the contentment and being part of a  community felt during the July 27th Prospect Gardens work session. I am also celebrating the return of the sparkling blue small rock that disappeared about a few months ago. Someone created it several years ago and I imagine it was a child. Why this gem disappeared and returned is a mystery. I offer thanks to the person who returned  the gem.

Here's the July 27th crew near the end of a longer than usual break. I always build in time for chatting. Thank you very much for your good work. 

I'm in the first row in a long sleeve shirt, despite the warm day. I was prepared to remove stinging nettles. 

To my left is Ann N. Behind Ann and me (starting on the left) is Madeline, a West High Leo Club member and a Junior, Laura V., and then Joyce. On the top row, are Gregory, Jessica, Becky, and Astrid. Ann B. took the picture.

Later in the morning Laura B., the keeper of several prairie gardens along the Southwest Path in the Westmoreland neighborhood, stopped by. As usual she was on her bike. While we chatted, I learned about a native nettle species and how the larvae from the following spectacular butterflies eat nettle: Eastern Comma, Question Mark, Red Admiral, and Milbert’s Tortoiseshell. I agree with Laura's assessment: Nettles serve a purpose! Now to learn the difference between native and non-native nettles.

The work session ended before the day's heat really settled in. Here's Jessica about to leave after her first time tending the Gardens. She and Gregory removed  many young Japanese Sumac from a section on the Regent side of the Gardens. Jessica has a Japanese Sumac on the back of the bike; hoping to transplant it.

As is customary in my posts I share pictures about the Gardens and here are six. Many plants are now at the peak stage of blooming. Yellow from native plants and pink from non-native phlox are now dominant colors throughout the Gardens. Our initial plan was for all native prairie plants. Several years ago, for a reason I can no longer recall, a few Non-native pink phlox were planted. They have now multiplied and spread. They even thrive in sections covered with rocks. 

Golden Soldier Beetles (if you look closely) busy pollinating a prairie coneflower. 

Joe Pye Weed in full bloom. Another native plant that attracts pollinators, including bees.  

Top of a Cup plant. These are self-seeded from a neighbor's yard. They are thriving and spreading along the Fox side of the Gardens. It's always a pleasure discovering what plants find their way into the Gardens. Less pleasurable, is noticing those we plant and that don't thrive. For example, the Gardens once had several patches of vibrant red Cardinal plants. Now only two plants remain on the Regent side and you really need to look for them. 

Black Eye Susan  (yellow) and purple Asters. These migrated from another section of the Gardens. I'm somewhat surprised by how early the Asters are blooming.  Perhaps a sign of an early autumn? 

  

More Black Eye Susan, and Culver Root (gray blossoms). The tall broad leaf plant not yet in bloom is a Jerusalem Artichoke also known as Wild Sunflower. The tubers are edible. There will be many. 

The Elderberries are ripening and some are ready to pick. Another sign that summer's pace has quickened. June, who lives near the Gardens, harvests the berries and makes tasteful jams and jellies. 

 Elderberries must be cooked first to safely remove the lectin and cyanide (toxins). Raw elderberries have a bitter, tart flavor, but cooked they taste quite different. Raw berries are also mildly poisonous. .

I end these reflections with another Mary Oliver poem and a wish for you. The poem, to me, underscores our precious lives while speaking to us about well-being. 

When I am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It's simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

Sun Dial in Prospect Gardens.
Gift from former neighbor. 

May you be "filled with light, and to shine" as time goes by. May we meet again in person or through this blog. 

  

 

Aging and Gratitude

Given the current firestorm about the mental abilities of an aging President, aging is a timely topic. Rather than get into the thicket of President Biden's cognitive state, I will share what I am learning about the spirituality of aging. Coincidentally, on July 3rd, I co-lead a discussion about the spiritual side of aging during a monthly Going Forth meeting. Our Buddhist inspired group studies and discusses topics and issues related to aging. We are all way past retirement and several are over 80. I will soon join the 80 year old contingent.  

The initial impetus for our discussion was a question of how we feel when young individuals comment on our age or offer to help. I suggested we study two chapters from Lewis Richmond's book "Aging as a Spiritual Practice" as a framework for considering the question. Beside an author, Lewis Richmond (born in 1947) is a Zen Buddhist priest, meditation teacher, composer, and blogger.  see https://www.lewisrichmond.com/ for more information and access to his blog. 

Lewis Richmond lays out four stages of aging: (1) when lightning strikes, (2) coming to terms, (3) adaptation, and (4) appreciation. Related to appreciation  is "elderhood". Lightning strikes is when we deeply recognize that we are aging which can happen at any age; you don't need to be old. I never really experienced lightening strikes even though I grew up on a farm witnessing aging animals and death. Recognition of aging came gradually for me; more like rumbling thunder that I noticed in my late 60s and early 70s. 

Coming to terms is the stage when you find yourself comparing your current self with a past younger self, and then eventually accept aging. I didn't intensely experience this one or it was relatively short. However, I wonder how many of  you, like me still, notice the past while not longing for a return. On my daily walks, I occasionally notice young fathers with their children and pleasantly recall parenting our daughter Emily when she was young. I also may notice a young jogger and recall invigorating jogs on the beaches of the Pacific Ocean when I lived in Oregon. All this indicates that I am still in the stage of adaptation while on my way to full appreciation of aging. 

Adaptation is when we have come to terms with what we have lost, for example my knees will no longer tolerate running, and we look forward to what we still have. I look forward to my daily walks; slower than in the past, while being aware of all the beautiful flowers in my neighbors' front yards.   

The following Billy Collins' poem illustrates a high level of appreciating aging.

    Old Man Eating Alone in a Chinese Restaurant ( Poetry  vol. 190, no. 4, July/August 2007)  

I am glad I resisted the temptation,

if it was a temptation when I was young,

to write a poem about an old man

eating alone at a corner table in a Chinese restaurant.

 

I would have gotten it all wrong

thinking: the poor bastard, not a friend in the world

and with only a book for a companion.

He'll probably pay the bill out of a change purse.

 

So glad I waited all these decades

to record how hot and sour the hot and sour

soup is here at Chang's this afternoon

and how cold the Chinese beer in a frosted glass.

 

And my book—José Saramago's Blindness

as it turns out—is so absorbing that I look up

from its escalating horrors only

when I am stunned by one of his gleaming sentences.

 

And I should mention the light

that falls through the big windows this time of day

italicizing everything it touches—

the plates and teapots, the immaculate tablecloths,

 

as well as the soft brown hair of the waitress

in the white blouse and short black skirt,

the one who is smiling now as she bears a cup of rice

and shredded beef with garlic to my favorite table in the corner.

 

The old man appreciates what's happening right now which would have been impossible during his youth. Collins writes that if he wrote the poem when he was young "I would have gotten it all wrong."

Lewis Richmond says that elderhood is an innate capacity but that "in today's media-saturated, youth-oriented society the role of elder has entirely vanished." Yet he encourages us as to practice being an elder as we age. Elders don't intentional teach; rather as an opportunity arises, they share through examples from their lives.

My older brothers and sisters benefited from our Grandma Julia being an elder. She lived with us on the family farm and died when I was seven. My 84 year old sister Barb still talks about the impact of the loving relationship that she had with Grandma Julia. My sister Theresa and my brother Tony learned to raise vegetables by gardening with her. Grandma Julia imparted what she knew about gardening and life in general through example and based on her experiences.  

 Here is Grandma Julia at my brother Joe's December 31, 1949 wedding. She's next to the bride Sylvia and behind the bride is Joe and next to him is my brother Leo. The short ceremony was in the chapel of the monastery. Sylvia was an Episcopalian and a member of the Oneida Nation. Marriages involving non-Catholics could not be performed in the church next door.      

What is remarkable about this slice of family history is Grandma Julia's presence at the ceremony. Grandma showed her Grandsons that she accepted Sylvia despite the Church's warnings about close relationships with non-Catholics. 

When opportunities arise, I practice elderhood with youth from West High's Leo Club (sponsored by the Lions Club) or young adults from Operation Fresh Start (OFS) as we tend Prospect Gardens. For example, once with an OFS crew I happened to mention that I do Qigong. A few expressed an interest. I offered to lead Qigong during the break and several joined me. OFS supports youth ages 16 to 24 to achieve self-sufficiency through education, mentoring, and employment training.

Lewis Richmond's book offers tips on incorporating spirituality into aging after discussing elderhood and the four stages. Each chapter ends with  "Contemplative Reflections." He also links spirituality with recent research about healthy aging in a section entitled " Contemplations On Aging."  He discusses six research based actions for healthy aging: managing stress, spending time in nature, religious and spiritual involvement which includes meditation, service to others, diet, and flexibility. Flexibility is the ability to adjust and adapt to the inevitable emotional and physical changes we experience as we age.  

My aging life continues to unfold and on the horizon is letting go of being the crew chief for Prospect Gardens. In the meantime, I am grateful for those who helped care for Prospect Gardens during June. 

On June 6th, while I was at the dentist starting a procedure for getting an implant, an OFS crew cared for the Gardens. Here's the five youth and their supervisor, Taylor. Top row starting on the left is Chris, Brandon and Javion. Bottom row starting on the left is Ka'Liyah, Taylor, and Desiyah. Not pictured is Danny, a new supervisor undergoing training.

Maddie Dumas, Storm Water Vegetation Coordinator, City of Madison Engineering Division, provides access to the OFS crew. Thank you Maddie.  

I  missed being with the crew. Percy, a long time volunteer, substituted for me. Thank you Percy and thank you OFS youth. I look forward to working with you in the future.

  Here's the crew removing Bishops Weed on the Fox side of the Garden. It's our nemesis with a tenacious life span, For now, it's been knocked back. 

On June 27th, six volunteers joined Ann B., my wife, and I for another collective effort at maintaining Prospect Gardens. All are returnees. Thank you for your continued generosity and support. 

On the first step is Becky (with the hat) and Meg (orange cap). Percy is to Becky right and Ann N. is next  to Percy. Behind Becky and Meg is Joyce. Top row is me, chewing a cookie, and Gregory. 

Ann B. took the picture, provided the treats, and did her fair share of weeding. Thank you Ann for your continued support during these last 15 years of tending the Gardens and for being at my side while I age.

Here's pictures of the June 27th volunteers:

Percy working on the Regent side. The Purple Poppy Mallow are in full bloom in the section that Percy weeded. A wonderful plant that bees like. 

Sorry to report that the expected abundant cherry crop became diseased causing the cherries to rot. The birds still enjoy the cherries.   

Becky pausing from weeding on the lower slopes of the Regent side section. Plus thinning some of the aggressive Jerusalem Artichoke.  

  Here's Meg who worked along with Becky on the Regent side. Ann N. (sorry no picture) also pitched in.

Here's Joyce weeding on the Regent side. She also helped plant some Obedient plants and others I bought a few months ago. They were small seedlings that I kept on my deck until they reached the desired height. The recent frequent rains will help them survive.

Last but not least, Gregory with a large bunch of creeping purple bell flowers. The blossoms are pretty and yet this plant is very aggressive. Gregory liked the blossoms and took the bunch with him.  Goes to show you: one person's weed is another person's late June bouquet. 

Thanks to all this season's volunteers the Gardens will continue to flourish. As July unfolds more plants will bloom. Here are pictures of  four of my favorites now blooming: Wild Bergamot, Purple Cone Flowers, Dense Blazing Star, and the non-native Beebalm . 

Seasonally Prospect Gardens, like our lives, goes through different stages. I especially enjoy July and August when many plants are in bloom and color is at its peak. In October, we prepare the Gardens for the inevitable winter. Yet even in winter the Gardens have a stark beauty. 

Please come visit the Gardens. Contact me if you want a tour or want to volunteer. The Gardens border the Southwest Path at Prospect  Avenue and if on the bike path, about a half mile west of Camp Randall. 

I close with this picture of an old burr oak and a poem reflecting Lewis Richmond's stage of appreciating aging. 

I  visit this burr oak in Vilas Park (on the bike path) overlooking Lake Wingra and near Vilas Zoo. A plaque states that the oak is with us since 1787, the year the Constitution was signed. Sometimes, I lean against the old tree, my back feeling the roughness of the bark and the tree’s strength. I imagine what the oak has witnessed and marvel at how it has aged so gracefully.

I Am Not Old (Samantha Reynolds)

I am not old…she said
I am rare.

I am the standing ovation
At the end of the play.

I am the retrospective
Of my life as art

I am the hours
Connected like dots
Into good sense

I am the fullness
Of existing.

You think I am waiting to die…
But I am waiting to be found

I am a treasure.
I am a map.

And these wrinkles are
Imprints of my journey

Ask me anything.

 

Community, Blessings, and Generosity

About a month ago I received an email from my friend Jeanne with a link to 20 books about trees. The NPR recommended books honored Arbor Day.  I celebrated the holiday as a youngster at Polandi, the one room school, about two miles from our family farm. Under the direction of our teacher, Ms. Falkowski, we planted a tree near the school. A small class jar with my name and the names of my fellow classmates was buried with the tree. The jar full of names represented our shared connections as a community.

I plan on reading one of the books on the NPR list and learn more about how trees support and communicate with each other. In other words, trees are communities rather than solitary beings. A book by Suzanne Simard, a professor of forest ecology at the University of British Columbia, is intriguing. In "The Mother Tree", Simard writes about how trees in a forest are linked to each other through older trees, she calls a "mother" or "hub" tree. Seedlings link into the network of the old trees and benefit from shared resources. Furthermore, the old trees, according to Simard, " pass a little bit of carbon and nutrients and water to the little seedlings, at crucial times in their lives, that actually help them survive." Here's the link to the NPR list 

Here's a picture of the canopy of a huge old tree that toppled over in a storm a few years ago. The once soaring canopy is close to the ground and within an easy touch. The old tree lies horizontally with its massive trunk just above the water line of Lake Wingra. Some of outer roots of the old timer are exposed but many are encapsulated into a large vertical ball of soil that is at least 5 feet tall .  

What amazes me is that the tree is still alive and producing seeds. Maybe this is one of Simard's "mother" trees that keeps on supporting its community despite being injured. The tree is a lesson for me: keep on contributing despite the challenges of aging. 

Rituals and ceremonies are important community builders. Our church, First Unitarian Society, held the annual Flower Communion on Sunday, May 19th. Originally created in 1923 by Unitarian minister Norbert Čapek of Prague, Czechoslovakia, the Flower Ceremony was introduced to the United States by Rev. Mája Čapek, Norbert's widow in 1940. 

  

In this ceremony, everyone brings a flower and places it in a shared vase. The congregation and minister bless the flowers, and they're redistributed. Each person takes home a different flower than the one they brought. Bringing and exchanging flowers increased my sense of belonging to FUS while affirming that each of us is unique, and yet together our diversity benefits FUS and our society. 

On May 11th,  I walked across the street for the 8 o'clock blessing of  Lake Wingra. The ceremony is also Wingra Boats' season opener. Thomas Redbird and his family led the ceremony which included the Little Thunder Singers. 

The Redbird Family are members of the Water Spirit Clan of the Ho-Chunk Nation. The day was already warm with a blue clear sky. In his opening remarks, Thomas commented that on a day like we were having, water spirits come out of the lake to play on the beaches and you can see them. 

 Thomas led us in a tobacco ceremony and conducted a lake blessing to honor and practice respect for the natural world. Tobacco, for the Ho-Chunk, has sacred qualities. I lined up with other members of the audience and slowly approached Thomas. With my left hand I took a pinch of tobacco from Thomas' extended left hand and put my offering into a bowl held by another man. After everybody made an offering, the two men took the bowl to the end of the pier and scattered the tobacco into the lake while offering a blessing. We remained in respectful silence. The ceremony ended with the Little Thunders Singers singing about friendship to the beat of the ceremonial drum. 

The blessing of the Lake Wingra reminds us that our communities extend into and are part of the natural world. Joy Harjo's  poem "Remember", stresses this point. Joy Harjo is a member of the Mvskoke Nation and a poet, musician, and playwright.

Remember 

Remember the sky that you were born under,
know each of the star’s stories.
Remember the moon, know who she is.
Remember the sun’s birth at dawn, that is the
strongest point of time. Remember sundown
and the giving away to night.
Remember your birth, how your mother struggled
to give you form and breath. You are evidence of
her life, and her mother’s, and hers.
Remember your father. He is your life, also.
Remember the earth whose skin you are:
red earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth
brown earth, we are earth.
Remember the plants, trees, animal life who all have their
tribes, their families, their histories, too. Talk to them,
listen to them. They are alive poems.
Remember the wind. Remember her voice. She knows the
origin of this universe.
Remember you are all people and all people
are you.
Remember you are this universe and this
universe is you.
Remember all is in motion, is growing, is you.
Remember language comes from this.
Remember the dance language is, that life is.
Remember.

On May 18th, the spirit of community, blessings, and generosity  continued as 13 volunteers plus Ann and I tended Prospect Gardens. Volunteers, some for the first time, gave of their time and without expecting anything in return. According to Buddha's teaching, generosity freely given without expecting a return is the highest form of generosity; earning much merit and a lot of good karma.

Pictured ( starting on the left, bottom row) are Peggy, a first timer, and Madeline, a West High Leo Club member and a returnee. Bruce is sitting on the third step and he is a newbie. Behind Bruce is Gregory, a veteran volunteer and to his left is Meg, another first timer. Sitting next to Meg is Laura who has volunteered since the start of Prospect Gardens. Top row is me and next to me is Gaon and then Rajeev. Gaon and Rajeev are West High Leo Club members and are faithful returnees. 

Coming later were Ann N., Cindy, Jim, Alice, and Sheila. Cindy recently moved to Madison from Nashville and is a first time volunteer. Ann N., Jim, Alice and Sheila are veteran volunteers. Ann B., my wife took the picture. She once again provided the treat and made sure we took a break. I have a tendency to forget about time as I get engrossed with the task at hand.

I extend a hearty "thanks" to you all. Blessings to you. You all will be welcomed upon your return.

Bruce, Gaon, and Rajeev share some moments during a break. Thank you Bruce for offering to return and trim back that one bush planted 15 years ago when the Gardens were started. Its been overdue for a trim. 

Gaon and Rajeev... take note that the area with day lilies you two so diligently worked on has been replanted. A few days after the work session, Percy, another veteran volunteer, and I replanted the area with a variety of native plants that Percy provided. Thank you very much  Percy. 

Cindy, Shelia, and Alice weeding the raspberry patch and preparing it for mulching. Cindy and her husband are busy revitalizing the flower beds of their recently purchased home. 

Shelia has a wonderful flower garden in the space between the sidewalk in front of her house and the street. Sheila came with a clump of  bee balm for the Garden-- thanks a lot.

Meg, Madeline, and Peggy working on the ever challenging and persistent Bishops Weed. Unfortunately the Gardens have an abundance of Bishops Weed. At least it provides ground cover. I'm trying to be positive.

Pulling Bishops Weed keeps it from seeding. We need a longer term approach. Percy mentioned putting in native plants that can out compete Bishops Weed. 

Gregory caught in the action of weeding. That's quite an handful!

I couldn't resist including this being who greeted me on a visit to the Gardens after our work session. She/he appeared walking softly (as only cats can do) through a patch of plants, sauntered onto the steps, laid down in front of me, and insisted on a belly rub. The result was a relaxed cat and for me a reminder to pause and savor the moment. 

Here's three plants that grace the Gardens as spring transitions into summer. The plants are at their peak. 

A native columbine that continues to propagate itself. Last week I transplanted a columbine from Giri's front yard. His yard has many splendid columbine. Giri offered one as an experiment. A Google search revealed transplanting columbine is risky and seeding is a much better method. Thanks Giri for the offering and for potting up the plant. 

The spiderwort, easy to grow, always returns in the spring, and is pleasant to the eye.  A near perfect plant.

I realize that the daisy is an aggressive plant and is considered by many as an invasive. So far the daisies, you could say, are behaving themselves while adding a feeling of lightness to Prospect Gardens. Plus I like the way they sway in the wind.

The summer solstice is approaching and Memorial Day has  officially marked the start of  the season. Summer with all its potential blessings await. In the spirit of community, I share this poem by Ronald Wallace, Emeritus Professor of Poetry, UW Madison.

 Prayer for Flowers 

Show me the disguises of coral root 

That I may go unnoticed among enemies.

the tenacity of columbine

that might thrive in the unlikely place.

Teach me to climb higher than envy,

to trust my own colorful seasons. 

Let the wind move me; let me keep my roots.

Like a pitcher plant, let me store up rain against

the dry season, surviving with patience 

whatever comes along. 

Show me the wind's song through lupine

that my blue days may be filled with music.

Teach me the persistent delicacy of glacier lilies

that I might endure winter's cold, heavy foot. 

And, at the end time, 

neither stiff-lipped nor trembling, 

let me go up, like bear grass, 

in a puff of smoke.

Alleluia

May it be so

Amen

Shalom

salam alaykum (Islam: Peace be upon you)

Hatak (Ho-Chunk: Peace)

 

 

 

    

What Makes a Good Life ?

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

My friend Barb texted about a podcast featuring Dr. Robert Waldinger and entitled "What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness." Dr. Waldinger is a Zen master,  psychiatrist, and program director of the 80 plus year old series of studies known as the " Harvard Study of Adult Development." Here's a link to podcast

Studies began in 1938 and eventually included 2000 plus participants. Data were collected through surveys, interviews and study of medical records. Harvard scientists began tracking the health of 268 sophomores in 1938, hoping that the longitudinal study would reveal clues to leading healthy and happy lives. Women were not part of the 1938 sample because Harvard did not admit women in 1938. 

 In the 1970s, 456 Boston inner-city residents were enlisted as part of the study. As time passed, researchers included wives of the members of the 1938 sample and of the Boston sample. Another study focused on children of  the original participants with the aim of understanding the effect of childhood experiences on midlife health.

Researchers concluded that close positive relationships are what keep us happy throughout our lives. Our nurturing relationships protect us from life’s discontents, delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. These findings were true for both the Harvard men and the Boston inner-city participants. Link to article for more information.

Dr. Waldinger during the podcast stressed that the study's findings don't mean that introverts are less happy than extroverts. Happiness is not depended on the number of relationships with people. What's an important factor influencing life long happiness is intentionally maintaining supportive relationships over time; may they be relatives or friends. He also stressed the importance of at least one very supportive person who will "cover your back", when needed. 

In other words, what makes a good life are positive human relationships that are nurtured over time. Many of us became acutely aware of the importance of close relationships during the pandemic as illustrated by the following poem written on May 19, 2021.

You Don’t Know Me But

Laura Grace Weldon

I miss you, fellow walkers – dad with double stroller,
rainbow legging woman, earnest black hound hauling
graybeard man on a never-slack leash.
I miss the Marc’s check-out clerk with three nose rings,
bitten nails, sardonic asides.
Miss the librarian whose voice is soft as my mother’s was
back when I sobbed myself weak, her hand
stroking my hair while she looked out the window.

Wherever you are now, I wish you well. Cast light around you
each night before sleep. I want your granny to pull through,
your job to stick around, your landlord to grant you
every dispensation. I want flowers
to sprout in your garbage, old milk to turn into yogurt.
May your junk mail transform into loans forgiven,
scholarships granted, grievances forgotten.
May we see each other soon, smile in recognition,
reimagine a world where we all breathe free.

Weldon's poem illustrates another characteristic of the Harvard study's findings about the importance of relationships. Casual exchanges such as greeting "fellow walkers" or small talk with strangers are important because they connect us to humanity and counter loneliness. According to the American Psychiatric Association's February 2024  monthly poll, 1 in 3 Americans said they felt lonely at least once a week over the past year. 

Tending Prospect Gardens with volunteers continues to be one way I create and maintain nurturing relationships while cultivating a sense of community. I suspect this may be true for others who volunteer their energy and time. 

Fifteen years ago volunteers began transforming a once weed infested site into what now is an area of prairie plants and perennials, along with a raspberry patch and two cherry trees. In the spirit of a community, on a clear and sunny April 13th, thirteen volunteers joined Ann B., my wife, and me as we once again tended the Gardens. 

Pictured are seven of the 13 volunteers and me. Starting on the left bottom step and going up are Annette, Eleanor, a West High School Leo Club member, Rajeev, another Leo Club member and club President, me, Nick, Astrid, Becky and Madeleine, the third Leo Club member.  Not pictured are Ann B, Eric, Laura, Marcel, James, Alice, and Sheila. 

Thank you. I am grateful that you took time from your busy schedules. Your generosity sustains a site that benefits our neighborhood, users of the Southwest Path, as well as birds, insects, butterflies and small animals.

Socializing happens while working and during a break which builds community and nurtures relationships. For example, during  our break Astrid shared pictures of her trip to see the eclipse with her partner and some friends. While working with Becky, I learned about her college experiences.  

Alice and James weeding the Regent side of the Gardens.  Both have volunteered in the past. Creeping Charlie was among the day's targeted weeds. 

Sheila also weeded the Regent side along with Marcel, her friend. Later that day Sheila returned and transplanted red bee balm from her yard. Thank you Sheila. 

Sheila participated in past work day sessions. This was Marcel's first group work session. Last season she along with Sheila worked in the Gardens on their own schedules. 

I learned what's happening in the adult lives of Sheila's son and daughter. As a former nearby neighbor, I watched both of them grow up. I  have pleasant memories of her daughter and a friend as young children performing an adlibbed play during a neighborhood gathering. The play did not have an end and  Sheila's daughter wanted to continue adding scenes. Sheila successfully intervened. 

Nick pulling weeds on the Regent side while Astrid worked on rehabilitating the raspberry patch. Nick is a returnee while this was Astrid's first time. Astrid and I were colleagues when we  were on the staff of the Environmental Resource Center. 

Astrid completed the Wisconsin Naturalist program and is knowledgeable about raspberries. I nicknamed her the "Raspberry Czarnina." The canes are in bad shape and at least half of the patch has disappeared. Yes, I know the usual challenge is stopping raspberries from spreading.   

As Astrid worked on the patch, we shared possible reasons for the declining patch. Astrid thinks that the rocks may prevent the canes' roots from spreading. I wondered if it was something in the soil. If you have any ideas about causes and suggestions for improvement, please contact me. Perhaps testing the soil is the next step.

A silhouette of Laura, a frequent, long term volunteer chatting with Eric. This was Eric first time. I met Eric about 25 years ago. He co-led our church's Coming of Age class which our daughter Emily attended . Barb who provided the podcast was the other teacher. They and the class took a train trip to Boston, the location of  the Unitarian Universalist church's national headquarters.  

Eric loved riddles, as did Emily and her friend Emily G. While on the train, Eric presented the riddles and the two girls joyfully attempted to solve them.    

Leo Club members, Eleanor, Madeleine, and Rajeev dug out ditch day lilies; not an easy task. Becky also spent the morning removing lilies.  

The lilies took over the upper flat area of this section. Native plants and grasses will replace the intruders while the lilies remain on the slope. Percy, another frequent volunteer, will provide monarda (bergamot) and spiderwort, surplus from another prairie project she leads. Thank you Percy. Also thank you Gregory for working in the Gardens on April 8th.  

Besides renewing past relationships and creating new ones, the work session provided opportunities to experience this season of renewal. Here's a few examples of the Garden's renewal .

Blue bells have found their own way into the Gardens. May they continue to self-seed and spread. Always an early welcome to Spring.

Black current blossoms. These were planted fifteen years ago and unlike the raspberries, they are thriving.  Looks like there will be a bountiful harvest. 

One of the revitalized raspberry canes. May you regain your potency and spread. More rocks will be removed from the patch.

This golden yellow forsythia on the Fox Avenue side announces Spring. Patricia and Jim, neighbors near the Gardens, donated the initial plant some years ago . Patricia and Jim recently worked in the Gardens and took down one of the orange snow fences. They also provide access to their water and use of their wheelbarrow. Thank you Patricia and Jim. 

Some of you are familiar with Max Coots' poem "A Harvest of People", which was in a  past post. It's worth repeating and is an appropriate ending to this post. The poem, like the Harvard study, underscores how positive human relationships makes for a good life.   

 A Harvest of People

Let us give thanks for a bounty of people:

For generous friends, with smiles as bright as their blossoms.
For feisty friends as tart as apples;
For continuous friends who, like scallions and cucumbers, keep reminding us that we’ve had them.
For crotchety friends, as sour as rhubarb and as indestructible;
For handsome friends, who are as gorgeous as eggplants and as elegant as a row of corn; and the others as plain as potatoes and as good for you.
For friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle as summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as endless as zucchini, and who, like parsnips, can be counted on to see you through the winter.
For old friends, nodding like sunflowers in the evening-time.
For young friends, who wind around like tendrils and hold us.

We give thanks for friends now gone, like gardens past that have been harvested, but who fed us in their times that we might live.

Thank you and be well.

P.S. 

A Canadian goose patiently nesting is another sign of Spring's renewal. She is a short walk from our apartment. You can find her in front of a Sycamore tree on Arbor Drive and along the shoreline of  Lake Wingra's backwaters. In about a month, goslings will join the world. Praise be!      

 

 
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