Dancing With Fear

The Dancer

Many of us, including me, are learning how to dance with fear that is now permeating our lives and rampart in many sectors of our society. Stoking fear for some us are the current Republican Administration policies (more than Presidential actions), the climate crisis, concerns about our democracy, and individual situations. In my case, it's the challenge of managing a chronic medical condition that is, thankfully, not life threatening. Nevertheless, treatment is accompanied by fear that the outcome will be unsuccessful. 

The free spirited dancer on our deck reminds me to let go and dance with life as it flows through me and through all of us. Admittedly, not always easy to do and in my case when fear arises about my medical situation. 

Recently, I watched a YouTube conversation involving Tara Brach, Buddhist  meditation teacher, author, and psychologist, and the poet, Rosemerry Wahola Tromer. Fear was one of the topics. Hearing Rosemerry read selected poems was a joy. The hour long conversation, ("The Courage to Say Yes" ) is available here YouTube link ,  

Afterwards I wrote the following poem. 

Pondering Fear

Is fear a gift?
Evolutionary history says
aided our survival
warning us of threats.
Now fear still buried in the brain stem
waiting for the metaphorical tiger to pounce.

Tara Brach, Buddhist influenced teacher
Says love your fear.
Gently recognize fear has arisen.
Feel the fear in the body.
Mine is a tight pulsating mind.
Tightness and heat in the forehead.
Shallow breathing.
Don’t take it personally.
Watch fear pass away like mist in the morning or
the movement of clouds across a blue sky.

But what about fear as a gift?

Now yes to fear creates
space for the gifts of aging.
Gift of gratitude.
Gift of self-compassion.
Gift of wisdom.
Being an elder.
May it be so. 

Rosemerry learned to deeply love her fear while mourning the suicide of her sixteen year old son, Fin. He died three years ago. Daily she wrote a poem before Fin's death, overcome with grief she stopped for several months, started again and now continues writing a daily poem. Her motive for writing is to express what is true at that particular moment rather than crafting the perfect poem. Her book "The Unfolding" is on my reading list. Here's her website link . If you wish sign up to receive her daily poems. Here's one of  Rosemerry's poems that vividly exemplifies dancing with strong emotions .

 Toward Peace

Perhaps some part of me still believes
peace is a destination,
a place we arrive, ideally together.

I notice how shiny it is, this belief,
like a flower made of crystal,
beautiful, but lifeless,

devoid of the dust and scuff
that come from living a real day.
Meanwhile, there is this invitation

to grow into peace the way real flowers grow
in the dirt. With blight and drought,
beetles and hail.

Meanwhile this invitation
to live in the tangle of fear and failure,
to be humbled by my own inner wars

and wonder how to find a living peace
right here, the peace that arrives
when we take just one step through the mess

toward compassion and notice
as our foot rises our heart also rises
and in that lifted moment

still scraping along in the dirt,
there is a peace so real we become light,
become the momentum that is the change.

Danna Faulds, another favorite poet, shows how to dance with potentially strong negative emotions. Readers of the blog may recognize this poem since I shared it in a past post. It's worth repeating because the poem provides cues about dancing with fear.

Allow

There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.

Danna Faulds' poem challenges us to experience the negative emotions that arise in our consciousness. Tara Brach and James Baraz, another Buddhist meditation teacher, suggests an approach for being with strong emotions, known by the acronym RAIN: recognize, acknowledge, investigate, and non-identification. Here's James Baraz's instructions from his book Awakening Joy, 10 Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness.

“RAIN When you are in the midst of a strong emotion, take a few moments to try this approach: Recognize what you are feeling and name it. Anger, fear, sadness, confusion? Allow the feelings to be present, without pushing them away and without getting lost in them. Investigate the feelings in your body and mind. Explore the landscape of the emotion with curiosity and interest. Where in your body do you feel it? How does it feel in your mind—heavy, tight, open, agitated? Non-identification is the key to freeing yourself from the emotion’s grip. Don’t take it personally. What you are feeling is a human emotion that arises and passes away. It does not define who you are.” 

Tara Brach is often credited with conceptualizing RAIN. During the "non-identification"  phase she invites us to  "nurture self-compassion."  Tara has available guided meditations for practicing RAIN plus written information about RAIN at .https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/

Dr. Kristen Niff, an educational psychologist, is widely recognized for her study of self-compassion and for providing guidance. She writes "With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend."  See her book "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" or her website at https://self-compassion.org/

John O'Donohue's poem, published on December 22, 2017, provides more cues for those of  us experiencing the exhaustion of these fearful times. 

 Exhausted, a Blessing 

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

My fifteen year tenure as the Prospect Gardens Crew Chief was filled with positive emotions. No need for  practicing RAIN. Echoing one of O'Donohue's messages: tending a lush green space with like minded people was a refuge from the stresses of life. I am happy to report that Becky and Ryan, the new Crew Chiefs, had a successful April 12th work session which I was unable to attend.  

Some of the Crew on a Break

Pictured are some of the 15 volunteers. West High School's Leo Club was well represented. Four are seated in the front row from left to right: Megan, Irene, Anna, and Madeleine. In the next row are Carolyn, Crew Chief Becky, and Leo Club President, Rajeev. In the back row are Joyce, Laura, Astrid, and Eric. Not pictured is Crew Chief Ryan, Hazel, Alice and Jim. 

April 12th, to me, is a historical day because the Gardens transitioned into the future. With a grateful heart I thank Crew Chiefs Becky and Ryan and the 13 other April 12th volunteers. I feel confident that all of you and other future volunteers with continue caring for a precious neighborhood green space that benefits humans, migratory Monarchs, small animals, birds, and users of the Southwest Path. 

Becky and Ryan welcome volunteers. The need is continuous. If you are not listed in the established Google Group and want to volunteer please join at https://groups.google.com/g/madisonprospectgardens.

The Energy and Agility of Youth

Madeleine and Rajeev weeding  the steep slopes while Hazel weeds nearby. This section is on the North side of the Gardens which is in the Regent Neighborhood. No, Rajeev is not doing push-ups. 

Joyce in the Blue and Others 

 

Crew members  removing sprouting Bishops Weed from this rocky section on the Fox side. It's in the Dudgeon Monroe Neighborhood.

 

I close with the voice of Sri Anandamayi Ma. She was born in 1896 in the small village of Kheora, which is now in Bangladesh. 

Followers considered her the bliss-bestowing mother. Her words below underscore that all of us are interconnected, unique, and worthy of praise as we inhabit this precious Earth. I hope Sri Anadamayi's words provide some comfort to those, like me, feeling fear during these trying times.

   One Vast Garden

“I find one vast garden spread out all over the universe.

All plants, all human beings, all higher mind bodies

are about in this garden in various ways ,

each has his own uniqueness and beauty.

Their presence and variety give me great delight

Every one of you adds with his special feature to the glory of the garden.”