Presence: Balancing Joy and Sorrow

 We Madisonians continue to process another school shooting,  potentially shattering the hopes of this Holiday Season.  As with other school shootings, once again, I feel powerless, sadness, and compassion for all those impacted by what unfolded within Abundant Life Christian School, while I was strolling along Monroe Street enjoying the many inflatable Santas. This one is the tallest, towering over the small ranch  home. There are at least 75 inflatable Santas, including one on the deck of our apartment installed by the owners of our building. 

Processing my emotions lands me in this virtual space where I reflect on presence while balancing joy and sorrow.  Again I turn to poems for solace and this one by Jack Gilbert is helpful.

 A Brief for the Defense

Sorrow everywhere. Slaughter everywhere. If babies

are not starving someplace, they are starving

somewhere else. With flies in their nostrils.

But we enjoy our lives because that's what God wants.

Otherwise the mornings before summer dawn would not

be made so fine. The Bengal tiger would not

be fashioned so miraculously well. The poor women

at the fountain are laughing together between

the suffering they have known and the awfulness

in their future, smiling and laughing while somebody

in the village is very sick. There is laughter

every day in the terrible streets of Calcutta,

and the women laugh in the cages of Bombay.

If we deny our happiness, resist our satisfaction,

we lessen the importance of their deprivation.

We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,

but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have

the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless

furnace of this world. To make injustice the only

measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.

If the locomotive of the Lord runs us down,

we should give thanks that the end had magnitude.

We must admit there will be music despite everything.

We stand at the prow again of a small ship

anchored late at night in the tiny port

looking over to the sleeping island: the waterfront

is three shuttered cafés and one naked light burning.

To hear the faint sound of oars in the silence as a rowboat

comes slowly out and then goes back is truly worth

all the years of sorrow that are to come. 

Gilbert's poem exemplifies practicing presence, meaning that you are keenly aware of what you are thinking, experiencing and feeling in any particular moment. Gilbert acknowledges the suffering inherent in the human condition while encouraging us to "accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world." Gladness may be as ordinary as the faint sound of oars of a rowboat gliding across a bay. Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931), Lebanese poet, philosopher, and artist, also teaches us that joy and sorrow are inextricably connected. In the poem On Joy and Sorrow. He writes:

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and other say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you , they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

During the December 15th service at our church (First Unitarian Society of Madison) Rev. Kelly Crocker, one of our Senior Ministers, spoke about presence. Here's access to the service. Kelly's message starts at 42 minutes into the service.  Kelly was at her authentic best; speaking from the heart, telling stories from her own life, and referring to several sources. Here's a few of my salient takeaways from her message entitled The Present of Presence .Text in quotes are Kelly's words.

• Being present to the here and now is the wisdom of every spiritual teacher and "every wise one throughout time." 
•  Dogs know how to "be filled with presence, to not be consumed with dread about the future, and as far as we can understand, they don’t seem fixated on what happened yesterday."  Human beings on the other hand "struggle with cultivating an awareness of presence."  We are easily distracted by our phones, jobs, worries, emails, social media, and the incessant flow of news. 
• Being aware of our internal selves changes our relationship with the world. For example, when we walk mindfully in nature the experience changes how we see nature.
•  Learning to be present also sensitizes us to how others are perceiving the world or as Kelly stated:  "Becoming aware of our own selves, we are able to notice the subtle expressions on the faces of those we love. We notice when a dear friend says she is okay, but something else is stirring beneath the surface."
• Presence requiring deep listening. Kelly told the story of how her son Sam as a young child  taught her the importance of deep listening. Kelly was distracted while Sam was trying to tell her something important. Sam eventually told Kelly she was not listening. Quoting Kelly: ... his tiny hands were on either side of my face, staring into my eyes and saying “listen, I want you to listen. Listen with your eyes, mommy." 

Kelly's point about listening reminds me of John Fox's poem, When Someone Deeply Listens to You.

When someone deeply listens to you

it is like holding out a dented cup

you’ve had since childhood

and watching it fill up with

cold, fresh water.

When it balances on top of the brim,

you are understood.

When it overflows and touches your skin,

You are loved.

 

When someone deeply listens to you,

the room where you stay

starts a new life

and the place where you wrote

your first poem

begins to glow in your mind’s eye.

It is as if gold has been discovered!

 

When someone deeply listens to you,

your bare feet are on the earth

and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you

Kelly near the end of her message pivoted to a column by Perry Bacon entitled Don’t Doomscroll About Trump, Do These Five Things Instead. The second recommendation was to join a Unitarian-Universalists congregation. Bacon attended a UU congregation in Louisville, KY.  He was impressed how people engaged in politics in practical ways and created a space for sharing and actively discussing their values and ideals that they felt had been rejected by their fellow Americans. Congregants were canvassing in opposition to a proposed state constitutional amendment to create a school vouchers program, The amendment failed. Here's access to the column

Our UU values include inclusion, equity, working for justice, and honoring and protecting the marginalized. Kelly expanded Bacon's recommendation by encouraging the congregation to be aware of our Unitarian values and to let the world know of our presence. Our UU presence is now very important . Quoting Kelly: Can we agree right now, the world needs our presence and our loving attention? That so many in the world are counting on us? And they need us to yell “keep going! Keep going!"

Kelly suggested that a simple way for UUs to remind themselves of our values and the UU presence is to wear a chalice pin. This one is just one of many designs. Wearing a pin is a helpful reminder of the UU values, offers opportunities to share these with others, and broadcasts our presence. So, if you are a UU, wear a chalice pin.  Another option is to select or create and wear a symbol that represents your core values. 

Cultivating presence can be challenging. My daily meditation and Qi Gong offer opportunities to be present with what is unfolding in the moment.  Influenced by Buddhism, I pay attention to bodily feelings, another pathway into presence. Anne D. LeClaire in her book Listening Below the Noise writes about how her life has been transformed by being total silent while doing her tasks on the first and third Mondays of each month. How to practice presence is popular on the Web. A quick search lead me to Calm.com and an article which provides 9 tips for cultivating presence. Click here for access to the article 

Here are three pictures associated with when I was present. Sometimes further reflection happened while writing this entry.

I saw this inflatable menorah, a block from our apartment, while on my daily walk. I felt happy that the menorah was present, representing a different story from that of the jolly plump Santas along Monroe Street. Seeing it also reminded me that there are other Holidays besides Christmas. Hanukkah starts on December 25 and ends on January 2nd, 2025. A Jewish temple is a half block from our apartment. Kwanza is from December 26th through January 1, 2025. 

Our modern day Santas represents a different story from that of St. Nicholas, the distant ancestor of today's highly commercialized Santa. It is believed that St. Nicholas was born sometime around A.D. 280 in Patara, now in modern-day Turkey. He was a thin man with a trimmed beard. 

St. Nickolas was admired for his piety and kindness. He gave away all of his inherited wealth and traveled the countryside helping the poor and sick. Supposedly St. Nicholas saved three poor sisters from being sold into slavery or prostitution by their father.  He provided them with a dowry so that they could be married. 

In 1881, political cartoonist Thomas Nast created the first likeness that matches today's image of Santa Claus. His cartoon, which appeared in Harper’s Weekly, depicted Santa as a rotund, cheerful man with a full, white beard, holding a sack laden full of toys for lucky and well behaved children. He gave Santa his bright red suit trimmed with white fur, North Pole workshop, elves and his wife, Mrs. Claus. Here's access to a detailed history of Santa Claus

While walking near the west end of  Edgewood Drive behind Edgewood college, I noticed the sun sitting over Lake Wingra. My attention turned towards two ice boat sailors immersed within golden hues that shimmered across the ice  One sailor was up and glided across the newly frozen lake; the other down trying to get up. The Lake groaned as I silently watched with awe the beauty of this moment. I felt connected to the Lake and the sailors, while feeling grateful for living in my neighborhood with its close access to nature.

About a week ago I was walking home on the Southwest path on a cold, calm, and sunny day. I felt grateful for the warm sun on my face and the lack of any wind. 

Another walker alerted me before I sighted this regal and calm  hawk. For a few moments I watched and then fetched my phone with its magic camera. After taking the picture, I looked at the image and turned my gaze up at the pole. The hawk was gone. I continued walking feeling peaceful and connected to a space bigger than me.

Prospect Gardens always offers opportunities to cultivate presence, even during winter. Here's three pictures of plant remnants I saw on my walk through the Gardens during our first recent significant snowfall. Included are Eckhart Tolle's observations about presence. Eckhart Tolle is a popular spiritual teacher and author of the New York Times bestseller, The Power of Now.

I sometimes ask people, 'Can you be aware of your own presence? Not the thoughts that you're having, not the emotions that you're having, but the very presence of your very being?' You become aware of your own presence by sensing the entire energy field in your body that is alive. And that is the totality of your presence.

 

  

When you take your attention into the present moment, a certain alertness arises. You become more conscious of what's around you, but also, strangely, a sense of presence that is both within and without.

When you wash your hands, when you make a cup of coffee, when you're waiting for the elevator - instead of indulging in thinking, these are all opportunities for being there as a still, alert presence. 

 I close with this picture of our Christmas tree and a quote from Rumi, a 13th-century poet, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic. He was born in what is now Iran. 

 If everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the light.

May we all be the light during these Holidays in the midst of joy and sorrow.