Aging and Gratitude

Given the current firestorm about the mental abilities of an aging President, aging is a timely topic. Rather than get into the thicket of President Biden's cognitive state, I will share what I am learning about the spirituality of aging. Coincidentally, on July 3rd, I co-lead a discussion about the spiritual side of aging during a monthly Going Forth meeting. Our Buddhist inspired group studies and discusses topics and issues related to aging. We are all way past retirement and several are over 80. I will soon join the 80 year old contingent.  

The initial impetus for our discussion was a question of how we feel when young individuals comment on our age or offer to help. I suggested we study two chapters from Lewis Richmond's book "Aging as a Spiritual Practice" as a framework for considering the question. Beside an author, Lewis Richmond (born in 1947) is a Zen Buddhist priest, meditation teacher, composer, and blogger.  see https://www.lewisrichmond.com/ for more information and access to his blog. 

Lewis Richmond lays out four stages of aging: (1) when lightning strikes, (2) coming to terms, (3) adaptation, and (4) appreciation. Related to appreciation  is "elderhood". Lightning strikes is when we deeply recognize that we are aging which can happen at any age; you don't need to be old. I never really experienced lightening strikes even though I grew up on a farm witnessing aging animals and death. Recognition of aging came gradually for me; more like rumbling thunder that I noticed in my late 60s and early 70s. 

Coming to terms is the stage when you find yourself comparing your current self with a past younger self, and then eventually accept aging. I didn't intensely experience this one or it was relatively short. However, I wonder how many of  you, like me still, notice the past while not longing for a return. On my daily walks, I occasionally notice young fathers with their children and pleasantly recall parenting our daughter Emily when she was young. I also may notice a young jogger and recall invigorating jogs on the beaches of the Pacific Ocean when I lived in Oregon. All this indicates that I am still in the stage of adaptation while on my way to full appreciation of aging. 

Adaptation is when we have come to terms with what we have lost, for example my knees will no longer tolerate running, and we look forward to what we still have. I look forward to my daily walks; slower than in the past, while being aware of all the beautiful flowers in my neighbors' front yards.   

The following Billy Collins' poem illustrates a high level of appreciating aging.

    Old Man Eating Alone in a Chinese Restaurant ( Poetry  vol. 190, no. 4, July/August 2007)  

I am glad I resisted the temptation,

if it was a temptation when I was young,

to write a poem about an old man

eating alone at a corner table in a Chinese restaurant.

 

I would have gotten it all wrong

thinking: the poor bastard, not a friend in the world

and with only a book for a companion.

He'll probably pay the bill out of a change purse.

 

So glad I waited all these decades

to record how hot and sour the hot and sour

soup is here at Chang's this afternoon

and how cold the Chinese beer in a frosted glass.

 

And my book—José Saramago's Blindness

as it turns out—is so absorbing that I look up

from its escalating horrors only

when I am stunned by one of his gleaming sentences.

 

And I should mention the light

that falls through the big windows this time of day

italicizing everything it touches—

the plates and teapots, the immaculate tablecloths,

 

as well as the soft brown hair of the waitress

in the white blouse and short black skirt,

the one who is smiling now as she bears a cup of rice

and shredded beef with garlic to my favorite table in the corner.

 

The old man appreciates what's happening right now which would have been impossible during his youth. Collins writes that if he wrote the poem when he was young "I would have gotten it all wrong."

Lewis Richmond says that elderhood is an innate capacity but that "in today's media-saturated, youth-oriented society the role of elder has entirely vanished." Yet he encourages us as to practice being an elder as we age. Elders don't intentional teach; rather as an opportunity arises, they share through examples from their lives.

My older brothers and sisters benefited from our Grandma Julia being an elder. She lived with us on the family farm and died when I was seven. My 84 year old sister Barb still talks about the impact of the loving relationship that she had with Grandma Julia. My sister Theresa and my brother Tony learned to raise vegetables by gardening with her. Grandma Julia imparted what she knew about gardening and life in general through example and based on her experiences.  

 Here is Grandma Julia at my brother Joe's December 31, 1949 wedding. She's next to the bride Sylvia and behind the bride is Joe and next to him is my brother Leo. The short ceremony was in the chapel of the monastery. Sylvia was an Episcopalian and a member of the Oneida Nation. Marriages involving non-Catholics could not be performed in the church next door.      

What is remarkable about this slice of family history is Grandma Julia's presence at the ceremony. Grandma showed her Grandsons that she accepted Sylvia despite the Church's warnings about close relationships with non-Catholics. 

When opportunities arise, I practice elderhood with youth from West High's Leo Club (sponsored by the Lions Club) or young adults from Operation Fresh Start (OFS) as we tend Prospect Gardens. For example, once with an OFS crew I happened to mention that I do Qigong. A few expressed an interest. I offered to lead Qigong during the break and several joined me. OFS supports youth ages 16 to 24 to achieve self-sufficiency through education, mentoring, and employment training.

Lewis Richmond's book offers tips on incorporating spirituality into aging after discussing elderhood and the four stages. Each chapter ends with  "Contemplative Reflections." He also links spirituality with recent research about healthy aging in a section entitled " Contemplations On Aging."  He discusses six research based actions for healthy aging: managing stress, spending time in nature, religious and spiritual involvement which includes meditation, service to others, diet, and flexibility. Flexibility is the ability to adjust and adapt to the inevitable emotional and physical changes we experience as we age.  

My aging life continues to unfold and on the horizon is letting go of being the crew chief for Prospect Gardens. In the meantime, I am grateful for those who helped care for Prospect Gardens during June. 

On June 6th, while I was at the dentist starting a procedure for getting an implant, an OFS crew cared for the Gardens. Here's the five youth and their supervisor, Taylor. Top row starting on the left is Chris, Brandon and Javion. Bottom row starting on the left is Ka'Liyah, Taylor, and Desiyah. Not pictured is Danny, a new supervisor undergoing training.

Maddie Dumas, Storm Water Vegetation Coordinator, City of Madison Engineering Division, provides access to the OFS crew. Thank you Maddie.  

I  missed being with the crew. Percy, a long time volunteer, substituted for me. Thank you Percy and thank you OFS youth. I look forward to working with you in the future.

  Here's the crew removing Bishops Weed on the Fox side of the Garden. It's our nemesis with a tenacious life span, For now, it's been knocked back. 

On June 27th, six volunteers joined Ann B., my wife, and I for another collective effort at maintaining Prospect Gardens. All are returnees. Thank you for your continued generosity and support. 

On the first step is Becky (with the hat) and Meg (orange cap). Percy is to Becky right and Ann N. is next  to Percy. Behind Becky and Meg is Joyce. Top row is me, chewing a cookie, and Gregory. 

Ann B. took the picture, provided the treats, and did her fair share of weeding. Thank you Ann for your continued support during these last 15 years of tending the Gardens and for being at my side while I age.

Here's pictures of the June 27th volunteers:

Percy working on the Regent side. The Purple Poppy Mallow are in full bloom in the section that Percy weeded. A wonderful plant that bees like. 

Sorry to report that the expected abundant cherry crop became diseased causing the cherries to rot. The birds still enjoy the cherries.   

Becky pausing from weeding on the lower slopes of the Regent side section. Plus thinning some of the aggressive Jerusalem Artichoke.  

  Here's Meg who worked along with Becky on the Regent side. Ann N. (sorry no picture) also pitched in.

Here's Joyce weeding on the Regent side. She also helped plant some Obedient plants and others I bought a few months ago. They were small seedlings that I kept on my deck until they reached the desired height. The recent frequent rains will help them survive.

Last but not least, Gregory with a large bunch of creeping purple bell flowers. The blossoms are pretty and yet this plant is very aggressive. Gregory liked the blossoms and took the bunch with him.  Goes to show you: one person's weed is another person's late June bouquet. 

Thanks to all this season's volunteers the Gardens will continue to flourish. As July unfolds more plants will bloom. Here are pictures of  four of my favorites now blooming: Wild Bergamot, Purple Cone Flowers, Dense Blazing Star, and the non-native Beebalm . 

Seasonally Prospect Gardens, like our lives, goes through different stages. I especially enjoy July and August when many plants are in bloom and color is at its peak. In October, we prepare the Gardens for the inevitable winter. Yet even in winter the Gardens have a stark beauty. 

Please come visit the Gardens. Contact me if you want a tour or want to volunteer. The Gardens border the Southwest Path at Prospect  Avenue and if on the bike path, about a half mile west of Camp Randall. 

I close with this picture of an old burr oak and a poem reflecting Lewis Richmond's stage of appreciating aging. 

I  visit this burr oak in Vilas Park (on the bike path) overlooking Lake Wingra and near Vilas Zoo. A plaque states that the oak is with us since 1787, the year the Constitution was signed. Sometimes, I lean against the old tree, my back feeling the roughness of the bark and the tree’s strength. I imagine what the oak has witnessed and marvel at how it has aged so gracefully.

I Am Not Old (Samantha Reynolds)

I am not old…she said
I am rare.

I am the standing ovation
At the end of the play.

I am the retrospective
Of my life as art

I am the hours
Connected like dots
Into good sense

I am the fullness
Of existing.

You think I am waiting to die…
But I am waiting to be found

I am a treasure.
I am a map.

And these wrinkles are
Imprints of my journey

Ask me anything.