What Makes a Good Life ?

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

My friend Barb texted about a podcast featuring Dr. Robert Waldinger and entitled "What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness." Dr. Waldinger is a Zen master,  psychiatrist, and program director of the 80 plus year old series of studies known as the " Harvard Study of Adult Development." Here's a link to podcast

Studies began in 1938 and eventually included 2000 plus participants. Data were collected through surveys, interviews and study of medical records. Harvard scientists began tracking the health of 268 sophomores in 1938, hoping that the longitudinal study would reveal clues to leading healthy and happy lives. Women were not part of the 1938 sample because Harvard did not admit women in 1938. 

 In the 1970s, 456 Boston inner-city residents were enlisted as part of the study. As time passed, researchers included wives of the members of the 1938 sample and of the Boston sample. Another study focused on children of  the original participants with the aim of understanding the effect of childhood experiences on midlife health.

Researchers concluded that close positive relationships are what keep us happy throughout our lives. Our nurturing relationships protect us from life’s discontents, delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. These findings were true for both the Harvard men and the Boston inner-city participants. Link to article for more information.

Dr. Waldinger during the podcast stressed that the study's findings don't mean that introverts are less happy than extroverts. Happiness is not depended on the number of relationships with people. What's an important factor influencing life long happiness is intentionally maintaining supportive relationships over time; may they be relatives or friends. He also stressed the importance of at least one very supportive person who will "cover your back", when needed. 

In other words, what makes a good life are positive human relationships that are nurtured over time. Many of us became acutely aware of the importance of close relationships during the pandemic as illustrated by the following poem written on May 19, 2021.

You Don’t Know Me But

Laura Grace Weldon

I miss you, fellow walkers – dad with double stroller,
rainbow legging woman, earnest black hound hauling
graybeard man on a never-slack leash.
I miss the Marc’s check-out clerk with three nose rings,
bitten nails, sardonic asides.
Miss the librarian whose voice is soft as my mother’s was
back when I sobbed myself weak, her hand
stroking my hair while she looked out the window.

Wherever you are now, I wish you well. Cast light around you
each night before sleep. I want your granny to pull through,
your job to stick around, your landlord to grant you
every dispensation. I want flowers
to sprout in your garbage, old milk to turn into yogurt.
May your junk mail transform into loans forgiven,
scholarships granted, grievances forgotten.
May we see each other soon, smile in recognition,
reimagine a world where we all breathe free.

Weldon's poem illustrates another characteristic of the Harvard study's findings about the importance of relationships. Casual exchanges such as greeting "fellow walkers" or small talk with strangers are important because they connect us to humanity and counter loneliness. According to the American Psychiatric Association's February 2024  monthly poll, 1 in 3 Americans said they felt lonely at least once a week over the past year. 

Tending Prospect Gardens with volunteers continues to be one way I create and maintain nurturing relationships while cultivating a sense of community. I suspect this may be true for others who volunteer their energy and time. 

Fifteen years ago volunteers began transforming a once weed infested site into what now is an area of prairie plants and perennials, along with a raspberry patch and two cherry trees. In the spirit of a community, on a clear and sunny April 13th, thirteen volunteers joined Ann B., my wife, and me as we once again tended the Gardens. 

Pictured are seven of the 13 volunteers and me. Starting on the left bottom step and going up are Annette, Eleanor, a West High School Leo Club member, Rajeev, another Leo Club member and club President, me, Nick, Astrid, Becky and Madeleine, the third Leo Club member.  Not pictured are Ann B, Eric, Laura, Marcel, James, Alice, and Sheila. 

Thank you. I am grateful that you took time from your busy schedules. Your generosity sustains a site that benefits our neighborhood, users of the Southwest Path, as well as birds, insects, butterflies and small animals.

Socializing happens while working and during a break which builds community and nurtures relationships. For example, during  our break Astrid shared pictures of her trip to see the eclipse with her partner and some friends. While working with Becky, I learned about her college experiences.  

Alice and James weeding the Regent side of the Gardens.  Both have volunteered in the past. Creeping Charlie was among the day's targeted weeds. 

Sheila also weeded the Regent side along with Marcel, her friend. Later that day Sheila returned and transplanted red bee balm from her yard. Thank you Sheila. 

Sheila participated in past work day sessions. This was Marcel's first group work session. Last season she along with Sheila worked in the Gardens on their own schedules. 

I learned what's happening in the adult lives of Sheila's son and daughter. As a former nearby neighbor, I watched both of them grow up. I  have pleasant memories of her daughter and a friend as young children performing an adlibbed play during a neighborhood gathering. The play did not have an end and  Sheila's daughter wanted to continue adding scenes. Sheila successfully intervened. 

Nick pulling weeds on the Regent side while Astrid worked on rehabilitating the raspberry patch. Nick is a returnee while this was Astrid's first time. Astrid and I were colleagues when we  were on the staff of the Environmental Resource Center. 

Astrid completed the Wisconsin Naturalist program and is knowledgeable about raspberries. I nicknamed her the "Raspberry Czarnina." The canes are in bad shape and at least half of the patch has disappeared. Yes, I know the usual challenge is stopping raspberries from spreading.   

As Astrid worked on the patch, we shared possible reasons for the declining patch. Astrid thinks that the rocks may prevent the canes' roots from spreading. I wondered if it was something in the soil. If you have any ideas about causes and suggestions for improvement, please contact me. Perhaps testing the soil is the next step.

A silhouette of Laura, a frequent, long term volunteer chatting with Eric. This was Eric first time. I met Eric about 25 years ago. He co-led our church's Coming of Age class which our daughter Emily attended . Barb who provided the podcast was the other teacher. They and the class took a train trip to Boston, the location of  the Unitarian Universalist church's national headquarters.  

Eric loved riddles, as did Emily and her friend Emily G. While on the train, Eric presented the riddles and the two girls joyfully attempted to solve them.    

Leo Club members, Eleanor, Madeleine, and Rajeev dug out ditch day lilies; not an easy task. Becky also spent the morning removing lilies.  

The lilies took over the upper flat area of this section. Native plants and grasses will replace the intruders while the lilies remain on the slope. Percy, another frequent volunteer, will provide monarda (bergamot) and spiderwort, surplus from another prairie project she leads. Thank you Percy. Also thank you Gregory for working in the Gardens on April 8th.  

Besides renewing past relationships and creating new ones, the work session provided opportunities to experience this season of renewal. Here's a few examples of the Garden's renewal .

Blue bells have found their own way into the Gardens. May they continue to self-seed and spread. Always an early welcome to Spring.

Black current blossoms. These were planted fifteen years ago and unlike the raspberries, they are thriving.  Looks like there will be a bountiful harvest. 

One of the revitalized raspberry canes. May you regain your potency and spread. More rocks will be removed from the patch.

This golden yellow forsythia on the Fox Avenue side announces Spring. Patricia and Jim, neighbors near the Gardens, donated the initial plant some years ago . Patricia and Jim recently worked in the Gardens and took down one of the orange snow fences. They also provide access to their water and use of their wheelbarrow. Thank you Patricia and Jim. 

Some of you are familiar with Max Coots' poem "A Harvest of People", which was in a  past post. It's worth repeating and is an appropriate ending to this post. The poem, like the Harvard study, underscores how positive human relationships makes for a good life.   

 A Harvest of People

Let us give thanks for a bounty of people:

For generous friends, with smiles as bright as their blossoms.
For feisty friends as tart as apples;
For continuous friends who, like scallions and cucumbers, keep reminding us that we’ve had them.
For crotchety friends, as sour as rhubarb and as indestructible;
For handsome friends, who are as gorgeous as eggplants and as elegant as a row of corn; and the others as plain as potatoes and as good for you.
For friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle as summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as endless as zucchini, and who, like parsnips, can be counted on to see you through the winter.
For old friends, nodding like sunflowers in the evening-time.
For young friends, who wind around like tendrils and hold us.

We give thanks for friends now gone, like gardens past that have been harvested, but who fed us in their times that we might live.

Thank you and be well.

P.S. 

A Canadian goose patiently nesting is another sign of Spring's renewal. She is a short walk from our apartment. You can find her in front of a Sycamore tree on Arbor Drive and along the shoreline of  Lake Wingra's backwaters. In about a month, goslings will join the world. Praise be!      

 

 
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